last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
