Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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