my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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