the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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