I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
