alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
