this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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