It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
