if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
please don't ironically join a cult
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