I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
