Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
