i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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