I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
