Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sobbing to NWA
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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