just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
