she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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