either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
