Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
