everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
