The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize