Four minutes until I can fart!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
