Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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