I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
