Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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