My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and she was petting her beer can
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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