I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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