And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
