then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
