and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
