First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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