What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
