he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
