Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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