Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
