He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
