Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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