This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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