The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
