I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
