the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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