margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
