I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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