I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
