How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
