I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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