Can i not drive my cunt home
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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