Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
