He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
