So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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