i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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