I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
