pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
