How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
