1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
