I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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