If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
