So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
