the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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