No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
