they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
