You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize