dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
