Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
