did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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