soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
