The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
