Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
