i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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