I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
