all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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