I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
