Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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