it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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