its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
