I'm so fucking centered right now
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
