JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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