Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize