She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
