a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
