census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize