we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
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