He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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