Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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