That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
