i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
