woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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